I'm pretty sure you don't read this blog o mine
Time to rant!
Dear Eric,
Just who the fuck do you think you are exactly? Do you enjoy watching me spiral down and down, out of control, until I crash and burn? Does it make you happy being so goddamn enigmatic that I don't even know if you're actually my fucking friend, let alone wanting to be anything more? Do you have any idea how sick and tired I am of this stupid dance you seem to be doing around me?
All these fucking hints, couched in such a way as to be open to interpretation, and then you never say what you actually fucking feel. It's infuriating. It's...truly...infuriating. And yet, I just keep coming back for more. I'm fucking tired of playing this game.
Would it kill you to either just fucking come out and say "I love you too" or "I'm sorry, but I don't feel that way about you?" That would solve one of my big ass problems dude. That would save me alot of grief and headaches and whatnot. But oh no...no, we must be subtle and lead me on. We must make comments like "Will Batman and Robin ever escape the Quilter's evil stitching machine?" or "I would like to give you an escape plan" or posting that fucking song on that fucking survey. And it's always up to interpretation. You COULD mean that you really care about me platonically and you know I'm unhappy in my marriage so you'd like to make me happy by finding a way for me to leave my husband. Or you COULD mean that you feel the same way about me that I do about you and you'd like to get me away from the hubs so that I can be all yours. And will you ever tell me which is correct? NO! No, you won't, because you seem to enjoy watching me twist in the wind on a very thin peice of rope that's slowly winding itself around my neck. You like watching me freak out and jump to conclusions that just fuck me up in the head even more.
Let me tell you something, Paco. And believe me, this is the truth. If I do ever actually go through with a divorce (and believe me, that day IS coming) it's not going to have anything to do with you. I'm unhappy in my marriage whether you're in the picture or not. I wasn't lying when I said I'd leave him for you...but please don't get the impression that the only way I'd leave is for you. You just happen to be the first boyfriend I want to have post-divorce. So if you have some kind of fucked up notion that you can't tell me you want me because you don't want to be the "other man" then get the fuck over yourself. And if you don't want me in a romantic sense, then what the fuck is your problem with telling me that? Why hide that information? What possible reason would there be to NOT tell me you don't want me? I've already made it perfectly clear that I can handle that information and still remain your friend. I've already made it perfectly clear that your friendship means more to me than anything.
Regardless of your reasoning, I NEED TO KNOW. I need to know either way dude. I can't take all this pussy-footing around and not saying anything one way or the other. I can't take all the hints and innuendo. It's tearing me apart little by little every day...every time you call me and all we talk about is video games and Dr. Who...every time you send me those goddamn enigmatic messages on myspace...every time you suddenly stop sending me messages for weeks on end...it's killing me. I feel like pulling a High School move and sending you a letter...
"Do you like me? Circle one, YES or NO."
And why am I saying all of this on a blog you probably never read or even know exists? Because I don't have the fucking balls to say it to your face for fear of losing you forever.
Best Regards,
Jenn
Dear Eric,
Just who the fuck do you think you are exactly? Do you enjoy watching me spiral down and down, out of control, until I crash and burn? Does it make you happy being so goddamn enigmatic that I don't even know if you're actually my fucking friend, let alone wanting to be anything more? Do you have any idea how sick and tired I am of this stupid dance you seem to be doing around me?
All these fucking hints, couched in such a way as to be open to interpretation, and then you never say what you actually fucking feel. It's infuriating. It's...truly...infuriating. And yet, I just keep coming back for more. I'm fucking tired of playing this game.
Would it kill you to either just fucking come out and say "I love you too" or "I'm sorry, but I don't feel that way about you?" That would solve one of my big ass problems dude. That would save me alot of grief and headaches and whatnot. But oh no...no, we must be subtle and lead me on. We must make comments like "Will Batman and Robin ever escape the Quilter's evil stitching machine?" or "I would like to give you an escape plan" or posting that fucking song on that fucking survey. And it's always up to interpretation. You COULD mean that you really care about me platonically and you know I'm unhappy in my marriage so you'd like to make me happy by finding a way for me to leave my husband. Or you COULD mean that you feel the same way about me that I do about you and you'd like to get me away from the hubs so that I can be all yours. And will you ever tell me which is correct? NO! No, you won't, because you seem to enjoy watching me twist in the wind on a very thin peice of rope that's slowly winding itself around my neck. You like watching me freak out and jump to conclusions that just fuck me up in the head even more.
Let me tell you something, Paco. And believe me, this is the truth. If I do ever actually go through with a divorce (and believe me, that day IS coming) it's not going to have anything to do with you. I'm unhappy in my marriage whether you're in the picture or not. I wasn't lying when I said I'd leave him for you...but please don't get the impression that the only way I'd leave is for you. You just happen to be the first boyfriend I want to have post-divorce. So if you have some kind of fucked up notion that you can't tell me you want me because you don't want to be the "other man" then get the fuck over yourself. And if you don't want me in a romantic sense, then what the fuck is your problem with telling me that? Why hide that information? What possible reason would there be to NOT tell me you don't want me? I've already made it perfectly clear that I can handle that information and still remain your friend. I've already made it perfectly clear that your friendship means more to me than anything.
Regardless of your reasoning, I NEED TO KNOW. I need to know either way dude. I can't take all this pussy-footing around and not saying anything one way or the other. I can't take all the hints and innuendo. It's tearing me apart little by little every day...every time you call me and all we talk about is video games and Dr. Who...every time you send me those goddamn enigmatic messages on myspace...every time you suddenly stop sending me messages for weeks on end...it's killing me. I feel like pulling a High School move and sending you a letter...
"Do you like me? Circle one, YES or NO."
And why am I saying all of this on a blog you probably never read or even know exists? Because I don't have the fucking balls to say it to your face for fear of losing you forever.
Best Regards,
Jenn
posted by Jenn at 08:40
