Calling hours and Goth kids and Emo kids and what pisses me off
This might be a little disconnected so I apologise in advance.
Calling hours suck. If you're immediate family anyway. Two of the longest hours of my life. They put you in this little room to wait for all your party to get there and then they lead you into a room where you are supposed to reflect on the deceased and think about your loss (what, now you're telling me how to mourn?!). Then they move you into the room where the body is and you're supposed to reflect some more. Then, with us, the pastor dude that's giving the eulogy said a prayer and we got to wait for the people to come and pay their respects. And since I'm a Grandkid, I had to stay to the bitter end (ugh) and watch all these people I don't fucking know file in, tell me they're sorry, ask me how I'm doing, and leave. My feet started to hurt, I didn't have anyone to really stand with because Steve went home after about an hour, and I felt like a damn robot. I cried a little bit, sure, and I acted like a good impression of myself, but I didn't feel like myself. It was weird. So, when 8 finally rolled around, I took my mom's advice and went the fuck home. I will be so damn happy when all this shit is over, seriously. I'm tired of people asking me how I am. I'm tired of people saying they're sorry. I'm tired of being treated like an invalid. Sick and tired of it all. You wanna know how I am? I'm fucking SAD is how I am. My Grandfather is dead. DEAD. NOT COMING BACK FROM THE HOSPITAL EVER AGAIN DEAD. How the fuck do you think I am? And it's great that you're sorry but you know what? Your sympathy won't bring him back. So shut the hell up. I'm fucking mourning the loss of one of the greatest influences in my life. That man loved his family so much he thought of nothing else. He always wanted to be surrounded by his family, he was so proud of us all. Even at the end of his life he wanted us all around him. That kind of devotion, love, and pride is an inspiration to anyone who was close to him. And "I'm so sorry for your loss" doesn't fucking cover it, it doesn't encompass this man's life. I'm not sorry he's gone...he was in pain, he was suffering, it's better this way. But damned if I'm not hurting like hell. And it isn't helping to have every damn person in the universe ask me how I fucking am. FUCK YOU. SHUT THE HELL UP AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!
And I'm fucking sick of these fucking emo and goth kids running around acting like all this shit is the greatest shit in the world. I don't buy for a second that Goth is a state of mind. I don't. I don't believe in all this shit. It's bullshit. Attention getting bullshit.
Selected excerpts from a YIM conversation I had tonite:
Shippo Youkai: And I worry about my friends
M i y u k i: yeah but worry about me how?
Shippo Youkai: As in I don't want anything to happen to you in any shape or form
M i y u k i: nothing has happened to me hon
Shippo Youkai: -nods- Mentally it has
M i y u k i: hon, i'm not an emo kid. i can deal with death without dwelling on it lol
Shippo Youkai: x_x please don't use emo like that..okie?
M i y u k i: erm, ok
Shippo Youkai: If anything I can't stand
Shippo Youkai: it's the emo stereotype
M i y u k i: look, whatever you want to call it, i'm not it.
Shippo Youkai: It's like you and using the word gay in the wrong sense
Shippo Youkai: XD Bleh, I dont' call it anything
Shippo Youkai: don't*
M i y u k i: ok here's the thing...there is an entire movement right now that calls itself "Emo" and the members of said movement are (for a lack of a better term) Goth lite. All the thoughts about death, none of the white/black makeup. Therefore, in order to waylay your concern, i said what i said to let you know that i'm not one of those depressed little assholes that run around pretending to be preoccupied with death and such
Shippo Youkai: hmm -thinks-
Shippo Youkai: Nope, it's not like that over here..
Shippo Youkai: people use it as an insult
Shippo Youkai: Emo is a music type
Shippo Youkai: and it is basically emotionally unstable
Shippo Youkai: And it's perfectly human to be emotional
M i y u k i: in any case...as i said...i'm not one of those emotional fuckers who has to think about death until they want to commit suicide to deal with death
M i y u k i: however you want to say it
Shippo Youkai: Ohh! You mean people who go for attention
M i y u k i: and i'd also like to say that as a gay man, you should have just as big of a problem with people using "Gay" like that as i do. using "Gay" to describe bad things give the term gay itself a bad connotation and the only way people are going to accept homosexuality is if we can erase the bad stigma associated with being Gay
Shippo Youkai: You're absolutely right Jenn. ^_^
Shippo Youkai: Infact I stopped using it a bad connotation (haha I love that word xD)
M i y u k i: and no i don't mean the little fuckers that do it for attention...well ok yeah i do mean the fuckers who do it for attention because they ALL fucking do it for attention. i'm sorry, i don't buy into all that goth/emo bullshit. it's just another way for teenagers to get attention and they need to grow the fuck up and live a little bit before they want to fucking die. GOD I am so sick of all this bullshit!!!!!!!!!!!
Shippo Youkai: Yeah... I know, I feel the same way
Shippo Youkai: Attention grabbers urk me
Shippo Youkai: So do shallow people
M i y u k i: they're ALL attention grabbers...all of them. every. last. one.
Shippo Youkai: Calm down hon
M i y u k i: and i have no problem with people acting how ever they fucking want to...but don't put a name to it and call it a religion or a movement because it isn't.
M i y u k i: i am calm...if i wasn't calm, i wouldn't still be signed on
Shippo Youkai: oh ok
Shippo Youkai: I will be back , I gotta go to Albertsons <3
M i y u k i: you know what i want to tell these fucking goth/emo kids? i want to tell them to shut the hell up and learn how to dress. i like the whole goth look, don't get me wrong. but in summer when it's a million degrees out, how about we sacrifice style to practicality instead of doing the opposite, yeah? stop fucking trying to look the part and labeling yourself and put some fucking shorts on
M i y u k i: ok i'll rant to my blog then lol...have fun
I've run out of steam. I need something to eat, I'm starved. And I need to relax a little bit, read my book for a while, and sleep. I feel very very tired. Ugh.
How I'm Doing: Pissed off and depressed and many other things.
In the Background: Rent Original Broadway Cast Recording
Calling hours suck. If you're immediate family anyway. Two of the longest hours of my life. They put you in this little room to wait for all your party to get there and then they lead you into a room where you are supposed to reflect on the deceased and think about your loss (what, now you're telling me how to mourn?!). Then they move you into the room where the body is and you're supposed to reflect some more. Then, with us, the pastor dude that's giving the eulogy said a prayer and we got to wait for the people to come and pay their respects. And since I'm a Grandkid, I had to stay to the bitter end (ugh) and watch all these people I don't fucking know file in, tell me they're sorry, ask me how I'm doing, and leave. My feet started to hurt, I didn't have anyone to really stand with because Steve went home after about an hour, and I felt like a damn robot. I cried a little bit, sure, and I acted like a good impression of myself, but I didn't feel like myself. It was weird. So, when 8 finally rolled around, I took my mom's advice and went the fuck home. I will be so damn happy when all this shit is over, seriously. I'm tired of people asking me how I am. I'm tired of people saying they're sorry. I'm tired of being treated like an invalid. Sick and tired of it all. You wanna know how I am? I'm fucking SAD is how I am. My Grandfather is dead. DEAD. NOT COMING BACK FROM THE HOSPITAL EVER AGAIN DEAD. How the fuck do you think I am? And it's great that you're sorry but you know what? Your sympathy won't bring him back. So shut the hell up. I'm fucking mourning the loss of one of the greatest influences in my life. That man loved his family so much he thought of nothing else. He always wanted to be surrounded by his family, he was so proud of us all. Even at the end of his life he wanted us all around him. That kind of devotion, love, and pride is an inspiration to anyone who was close to him. And "I'm so sorry for your loss" doesn't fucking cover it, it doesn't encompass this man's life. I'm not sorry he's gone...he was in pain, he was suffering, it's better this way. But damned if I'm not hurting like hell. And it isn't helping to have every damn person in the universe ask me how I fucking am. FUCK YOU. SHUT THE HELL UP AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!
And I'm fucking sick of these fucking emo and goth kids running around acting like all this shit is the greatest shit in the world. I don't buy for a second that Goth is a state of mind. I don't. I don't believe in all this shit. It's bullshit. Attention getting bullshit.
Selected excerpts from a YIM conversation I had tonite:
Shippo Youkai: And I worry about my friends
M i y u k i: yeah but worry about me how?
Shippo Youkai: As in I don't want anything to happen to you in any shape or form
M i y u k i: nothing has happened to me hon
Shippo Youkai: -nods- Mentally it has
M i y u k i: hon, i'm not an emo kid. i can deal with death without dwelling on it lol
Shippo Youkai: x_x please don't use emo like that..okie?
M i y u k i: erm, ok
Shippo Youkai: If anything I can't stand
Shippo Youkai: it's the emo stereotype
M i y u k i: look, whatever you want to call it, i'm not it.
Shippo Youkai: It's like you and using the word gay in the wrong sense
Shippo Youkai: XD Bleh, I dont' call it anything
Shippo Youkai: don't*
M i y u k i: ok here's the thing...there is an entire movement right now that calls itself "Emo" and the members of said movement are (for a lack of a better term) Goth lite. All the thoughts about death, none of the white/black makeup. Therefore, in order to waylay your concern, i said what i said to let you know that i'm not one of those depressed little assholes that run around pretending to be preoccupied with death and such
Shippo Youkai: hmm -thinks-
Shippo Youkai: Nope, it's not like that over here..
Shippo Youkai: people use it as an insult
Shippo Youkai: Emo is a music type
Shippo Youkai: and it is basically emotionally unstable
Shippo Youkai: And it's perfectly human to be emotional
M i y u k i: in any case...as i said...i'm not one of those emotional fuckers who has to think about death until they want to commit suicide to deal with death
M i y u k i: however you want to say it
Shippo Youkai: Ohh! You mean people who go for attention
M i y u k i: and i'd also like to say that as a gay man, you should have just as big of a problem with people using "Gay" like that as i do. using "Gay" to describe bad things give the term gay itself a bad connotation and the only way people are going to accept homosexuality is if we can erase the bad stigma associated with being Gay
Shippo Youkai: You're absolutely right Jenn. ^_^
Shippo Youkai: Infact I stopped using it a bad connotation (haha I love that word xD)
M i y u k i: and no i don't mean the little fuckers that do it for attention...well ok yeah i do mean the fuckers who do it for attention because they ALL fucking do it for attention. i'm sorry, i don't buy into all that goth/emo bullshit. it's just another way for teenagers to get attention and they need to grow the fuck up and live a little bit before they want to fucking die. GOD I am so sick of all this bullshit!!!!!!!!!!!
Shippo Youkai: Yeah... I know, I feel the same way
Shippo Youkai: Attention grabbers urk me
Shippo Youkai: So do shallow people
M i y u k i: they're ALL attention grabbers...all of them. every. last. one.
Shippo Youkai: Calm down hon
M i y u k i: and i have no problem with people acting how ever they fucking want to...but don't put a name to it and call it a religion or a movement because it isn't.
M i y u k i: i am calm...if i wasn't calm, i wouldn't still be signed on
Shippo Youkai: oh ok
Shippo Youkai: I will be back , I gotta go to Albertsons <3
M i y u k i: you know what i want to tell these fucking goth/emo kids? i want to tell them to shut the hell up and learn how to dress. i like the whole goth look, don't get me wrong. but in summer when it's a million degrees out, how about we sacrifice style to practicality instead of doing the opposite, yeah? stop fucking trying to look the part and labeling yourself and put some fucking shorts on
M i y u k i: ok i'll rant to my blog then lol...have fun
I've run out of steam. I need something to eat, I'm starved. And I need to relax a little bit, read my book for a while, and sleep. I feel very very tired. Ugh.
How I'm Doing: Pissed off and depressed and many other things.
In the Background: Rent Original Broadway Cast Recording
posted by Jenn at 20:21
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